I Was Almost Attacked By Giant Slugs!

I'm going Fun Sunday this week and adding some humor to my usually serious blog posts. I hope you enjoy the mood change -- just for today.

A couple of years ago I saw some slugs in my strawberry patch. They were small, about the size of my pinky. I started putting slug stuff (don't know the official name) around my strawberries to keep them from getting in -- that is until I found out the little white pellets weren't just a deterrent, but a slug execution device. I think they eat the pellets which expand in their bellies and ... well, I don't know... maybe they explode or something. At first I thought it just filled them up so they wouldn't be hungry for my strawberries, but no, it's a poison.

If you follow my blog, you know my aversion to killing anything. So as soon as I found out the little white pellets weren't just a yummy slug snack, I stopped putting it out.

If you know me well, you know that there isn't much that grosses me out. I've always been a tomboy. I love creepy, crawly, slimy things: all bugs, spiders, snakes, lizards, mice, snails, frogs, worms.

But, SLUGS...

I've never had the desire to pick up a slug and explore it, and the thought of one touching my skin makes my stomach do that weird roller coaster climb and drop thing. I have a slight stomachache just writing about them right now, and there's a little gag-inducing lump in the back of my throat. I truly think my biggest fear is being attacked by giant slugs. Something I thought impossible until this past Thursday night.

WARNING: If slugs make you a bit nauseous, you may want to pop a Dramamine before you read further. :)

This past Thursday night we "lost" a fish. Our sweet little fantail guppy named Clock passed away, and since he was a cherished pet, we'd had him since Tuesday afterall, Hayden insisted we wrap him gently in some newspaper and take him out back to bury him -- right then, at 8:30 at night. So, my hysterical six-year-old son, my really-could-have-cared-less four-year-old son, my husband, and I wandered out into the yard to bury Clock below the lilac bushes.

I had a small hand shovel, and I used it and my hands to scrape away the layer of mulch to get to the dirt below. It was very dark, and as I was scraping I noticed a couple of extra-large chunks of mulch and thought it was odd, but didn't give it a second thought. I dug the hole, we dropped Clock in, Hayden cried out a few special memories of the fish and said a prayer, and then he went back inside with his dad. Brandon suddenly became emotional and decided he needed some quiet time to mourn Clock's passing, so he and I sat graveside for a few minutes.

It was during this quiet time that I took the time to glance around us and noticed a HUGE HUGE HUGE slug. I mean HUGE. Did I say HUGE? This is no joke - I am almost certain it was about the size of an empty toilet paper roll. Then I realized the big chunks of mulch weren't mulch at all, but more HUGE slugs. So, I looked around in the areas of the grass where the deck light happened to be shining and they were everywhere -- HUMONGOUS toilet-paper-roll sized slugs. There may have been hundreds, or it could be that the eight I did see were just so HUGE that it seemed like hundreds. Either way, my fear of being attacked by giant slugs was unfolding right before my eyes.

Brandon and I were barefooted and had to go through dark stretches of grass to get back to the deck steps. Did I mention we were SITTING there and had been sitting there, in the slug infested grass, for at least five minutes at that point. I knew they couldn't have crawled up our shorts without us noticing - considering they weren't much smaller than our rear ends, but could we have possibly sat on one? -- doubtful, but I wasted no time jumping up and throwing Brandon as high up onto my body as I could get him - you know... in case they started flying through the air and splattered on to us.

We were going to have to take our chances and make a blind run for it through those dark stretches of grass. It was either that or stand there and be slug slimed.

I would have never thought it would have been possible for a human to go from 0 to 60mph in 3 seconds running on the tips of their two big toes, but I'm here to tell you, IT IS POSSIBLE. I'm pretty sure I did it last Thursday night while carrying a four-year-old on the top of my head and chanting eeeyew, eeeyew, eeeyew (and I'm not an eeeyew kinda girl).

We made it to the deck without a squish, and I now realize why I'm harvesting about 1 quart of strawberries and tossing 1 gallon each time. Those slugs are eating good in my back yard. I'm wondering if those little white pellets a couple of years ago were enhanced slug vitamins instead of poison.

Have you ever seen a slug that big? Look at this big slug video. There's got to be an old movie about attacking slugs. Let me know if you know of it. Not so I can watch it but so I can be sure to steer clear of it.

I find it hard to believe our world would be worse off without the slimy slug, but God made them for a reason, so I did some research. Read slugs to find out the good, the bad, and the ugly about the slugs purpose on earth. They really do have one.

My husband had another great suggestion for our special quarter pounder backyard slugs. Survivor and Fear Factor are always looking for juicy appetizers.

Seriously, if anyone knows of a humane way to get the slugs out of my strawberries, let me know. Please don't tell me to get rid of my strawberries. :)